Friday, October 21, 2011

I vant to be alone

I have lived alone exactly two months of my life, and it wasn't nearly enough time to get used to it (or sick of it). I don't remember much - those two months were jam-packed with working, emotional garbage (most of which I was responsible for), and my boyfriend, Mr. Cutbait.

I do remember that after a lifetime of living with my family or roommates, it wasn't too terrible to find myself solely responsible for a tiny piece of real estate. I liked it, actually.

Almost twenty years later, surrounded by Mr. Cutbait and our several children, I find myself pondering what a little more alone time would have been like. It seems so odd to me that there are people in the world who spend years living by themselves. How would that be?

From a housekeeping standpoint, it seems like it would be easier - I mean, obviously - but you'd still have all the stuff to clean, and only you to do the work. On the other hand, things would stay cleaner and picked up longer.

If you lived alone, what do you think your life would be like? I can tell you there would probably be no satellite TV or game systems in my household. (At the moment I'm listening to the Disney channel coming from one room and a neglected Wii game's music from somewhere else.)

Maybe I'd have a cat, except I'd be the one doing the litter box thing... so maybe not. I do better with things that don't require food or daily maintenance.

Some people think it would be lonely, and it might get that way sometimes, I suppose. How would you fill that void? Travel? Friends? Service? Self-medicating?

At no point do I want my family gone from me - again, obviously - but having lived one kind of life for such a long time, I think it's normal to stop and think about what might have been. I really have no idea - I can't remember a time in my life when I didn't want to get married and have children, and thus never be alone again (without going out to the car, only to be discovered within a few minutes: "Mommy? Why are you out here?").

I just wonder where I'd be, and what I'd be doing. Do you?

Alone again (naturally),
Fisher Cutbait

3 comments:

Heffalump said...

I've NEVER lived alone.
I think I would get bored of it after a while.
I do however, often think about retirement and how nice it will be when the kids are all grown up and moved out and it's just Mr. Lump and me, and since all our kids will be moved out before retirement comes, (at least we can hope) then I might get to experience what it's like to have ME time!
Of course I love my kids and I am sure I'll cry big blubbery tears when they are gone, but sometimes I feel like I am drowning in their demands and needs. What would it be like to do something for me without the guilt of neglecting someone else's needs?
Sorry...all my comments end up as huge monologues!

Fisher Cutbait said...

I hope I'd be living my life as productively as possible and doing fun things I'd like to do now, but choose not to. It is all a choice, after all.

Probably something with travel and music.

Elizabeth-W said...

I'm trying to remember if I ever lived alone, alone. I didn't get married until 27, though. So I had a lot of time that was single which is sort of the same thing.